THE LOGIC OF WOMEN
by Bernard Marcoux, Montreal
Travelling in France, more precisely in Fougères (south of St-Malo),
my wife discovers in a shop a small candy box with irresistible
colours (tomato and crowned with a turquoise line) that she
decides to buy for her sister. Absolutely beautiful.
Leaving Fougères, I learn that we will have to find a solid
container to transport this fragile vase ! Logic, I tell
myself.
The next day, we pass through Villedieu-les-Poêles (Villedieu-the-Pans
literally). Why this name? Because there they just make and
sell pots and pans. Always logic! Walking through the village,
there is however a problem: there are 80 shops of stoves and
pans. Where to buy?
My wife, eminently logical, asks the butcher: When you want to
buy cooking things, where do you go? And the butcher tells us
of a mill, Mauviel, just outside the village.
My wife goes in there with the mission to buy an oval casserole
large enough to house the poor little candy box. These Mauviel
pots, it must be said, are the best in the world: copper outside
(the copper is the best conductor of heat) and stainless steel
inside. The candy box finally finds refuge in the casserole and
everyone heaves a big sigh of relief.
However, when we go to pay, we learn that we cannot enjoy the
Tax-free (18%) unless we buy for a higher amount. We then buy
something else to achieve this amount. Logic, I said to myself,
a little dizzy by the speed of the women’s mind. At the very
least, I put it in the box To understand later, wondering
if I will ever one day access this higher form of intelligence.
We spend 100 Euros more and in order to save 50. Logical, no?
To convince me even more, my wife puts an end to any hint of
But… by saying: We saved money because, even if the cooker
had cost twice as much, I would have bought anyway!
Imagine all the Taxes that we could have saved then!
Change of subject, but always in the same vein: do you know why
my wife, a former smoker, no longer wants to smoke ? Because
she knows now she can stop! I know, I know, this form of logic
escapes you, you’re probably still trying to understand the
episode of the pots and pans, but we must recognize one day that
we, men, are inferior beings.
So I don’t really know why I bother to ask the next question,
because I am sure you will fail miserably: what is a finesse ?
And don’t answer me like they do in France: But, sir?? As if
the answer was obvious. Let’s see an example, maybe you will
understand better (I hope. If so, you will explain me later).
Axxx
DV10x
Suppose you play the Queen, West plays small, dummy plays small
and East wins the King. Have you taken a finesse ?
According to my wife, No, because East won its King. Now
suppose you play the Queen and West covers, you win the Ace.
Have
you taken a finesse ? Still no, since West played its King. The
only real finesse, according to my wife, is this: you play
the Queen
and it goes small, small, small, no matter the position of
King. Brilliant, I tell myself sometimes at night, when I
have
insomnia.
You play 3NT with a diamond lead.
Dummy
xx
AQ8
Kxxxxx
Q10
You
Kxx
J109
AQ
KJxxx
I played this hand in Biarritz against French world champions
Adad-Aujaleu.
There are many tricks available in diamonds and clubs, but how
can you cash them ?
Communications are almost nonexistent. You can unblock in
diamonds, play a heart to the Queen (necessary for the success
of the contract) and play King of Diamonds and diamond, but I
chose another line.
As you have to place the Ace of clubs on your left to avoid the
killing spade switch through your King, I played a club at the 2nd
trick, and dummy’s Queen won. A little relieved, I played
another club from dummy. West ducked, of course (not my partner
to other table, but he has a good excuse : he is not world
champion). I returned to hand with a Diamond and I played the
club King, West won the Ace. West then has 4 diamonds and 4
clubs.
West returned a diamond, dummy’s King won and I am locked in
dummy. What to do now?
Do you see the solution? If you have never bought a casserole
in Villedieu-les-Poêles to house a candy box for the sister of
your wife, and if you did not then spent 100 Euros more order to
save 50, you do not have access to this way of thinking, to this
form of logic that would have confused St. Thomas himself.
Think about it a little: if the heart finesse was necessary to
the success of this contract, then the King has to be with West.
And it is still there, because cards do not travel during the
play.
I played the Queen of hearts from dummy, unblocking the 10 from
hand, sort of reverse finesse, apparently outlandish, but quite
logical, that I have learned by shopping with my wife.
Well,
my friends, there was a long silence. Adad, to my right, threw
me a glance meaning without doubt: This guy plays like
my
wife!
Aujaleu, to my left, also threw me a glance, put his cards on
the table and began to think, a good 5 minutes, saying obviously
to himself
: Who is this guy? And how come he knows the wife of Adad ?
I saw that they did not understand, the world champions. World
Champions of what? Of men, and only men.
If Aujaleu takes his heart King and his Ace of Spades (him or
his partner), I will make the rest. If he ducks the heart
Queen, I
end
play him in diamonds and the result is the same. After a good
amount of time, Aujaleu decided to duck, hoping the 9 of
hearts
with his partner.
I end played him in diamonds and he returned a club. I won and
played the Jack of hearts, he covered and I then made the 9
in
my hand for 10 tricks, a gain of only 1 Imp, but an important
psychological victory (we won the match by one mile).
Dummy
xx
AQ8
Kxxxxx
Q10
Aujaleu
Adad
Ax
QJ10xxx
Kxx
xxxx
J10xx x
A9xx xx
You
Kxx
J109
AQ
KJxxx
How would you call this play ?
Follow closely : the finesse is good, but
we don’t take it. Not only we don’t take it, but we don’t take
it because
it is good.
Pretty deep, no ?
And when we play the heart Queen
from dummy, we make a reverse finesse, as the original finesse
was good.
Still following ?
And when West ducks the heart Queen, well,
we obtain the exact definition of a finesse according to my
wife.
Would you like me now to explain the
logic behind the buying of the casserole and the 100 Euros spent
in order to save 50 ?
Not
today, you say ? Too bad.
I leave you still with this thought:
the next time someone tells you play as a woman, say Thank you
and be grateful to your wife because, by forcing you to shop
with her, she educated you and succeeded in getting you your
macho thinking.
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